Re: Morrissey interview in El Observador (Uruguay)
Hi Sharon
Hope you've got over the Christmas party.
Could you please let BB know I think his version of WHIWOFBS is megatastic, I will sing it all day long.
Love to you and yours Miss McCormick, mwa, mwa.
Benny-the-British-Butcher
Wow! Benny! That's Crimbo comes early for me! I'm such a fangirl of ALL of your stuff. It's been really stressful minding the fort with "The Archivist" without gobbing off with more insultingness but BB said that's all got to stop. At the end of his karoaoke turn he said "I Have Forgiven You, Morrissey" and we thought that meant another song mocking Moz but.... well, I can tell you , I suppose. Santa came in with loads of boxes on his sleigh which, being a Vegan Santa, he pulls himself and his reindeer just mozy around, no harnesses or anything like that. He gave us each a shoebox size prezzie. We opened them and.....they were full of "cassettes" with the word "DEMOS" on the front and mad collages of art full of hieroglyps and pictures of dead film stars, poets, playwrights and singers. And there were letters he'd sent to penpals all over the world, including Luxembourg, Glasgow and....Manchester. And then there were others which was titled "Sabbath vs Sexy Pisspot Pistols: Bogarts & Barbarellas-THE TRUTH !!!!" AND! There was one with lods of pictures of The Smiths called "Smiffs-Riffs For JM"......We couldn't believe it and shouted "hey Mr DJ put a record on I wanna dance with my baby!" but the DJ didn't have a cassette player and BB just LOL'd at the fact we couldn't play any of them. Hundreds of C45s each with just one song on and mad crazy 'artwork'.
THEN! I shit you not....Madonna walked in. 4FkinReal. With about 10 security guards who made us all hand in our phones. THEN! They sang a song together called "Spirit of the Dance" and we all just wept. At the end BB spoke and said we would spend the rest of the working days left to Xmas "digging in the crates" which is a 'rap' term for going through old records and tapes to find samples. So, that's what I'm doing here with "The Archivist" who is some computer sound engineer from Dusseldorf. We have to listen to each cassette and 'sample' it, but I don't know how to do that, of course. LOL! It's pretty surreal, there are all these "sketches" which sound like lost albums by The Smiths, Black Sabbath, the Pistols and...James Brown as examples but also stuff that Ive never even heard of which is from Morrocco and shit.
Anyroads, when Madge & BB stopped snogging BB said that The Debunk Morrissey Project was over. Mission Accomplished. And that now it was time to hit the world's stage...eventually. Madonna rolled her eyes, she doesn't believe it's actually gonna happen. BB finished by thanking her for her OTT show and repeated "I Have Forgiven You Morrissey" then handed her the mike. She went ballistic, ranting shit about how the "FATWA" against Morrissey that BB imposed because he said her orphan adopted son, David Banda, was "handbag material" would NEVER, EVER be lifted, that BB had begged her to give WPINOYB a chance but that now, after his diss of her Paris Busker Sincerity Show was re-imposed and everyone, including David Joseph and Martin Boorer know it's OVER! Nobody can revoke a Madonna Fatwa, not even BB. So, it really is curtains for Morrissey's career. He was given enough rope, as The Clash said, and he's decided he was Born To Hang. But BB is sad as he really, really loves Morrissey's singing voice. In fact, he's planning to do FIVE albums of what he calls "The Smiths 4 Real", but he does it all: singing, guitar, bass, drums. He said Morrissey f***ed up the "Oscar Wilde dressed as James Dean" meme which he nicked from BB when he was in Moseley cafe society as a brief interloper from Manchester in the 70s. But BB's moved on from images and acting and his re-imagination of The Smiths will be "even better than the real thing" with lots of U2 stadium athemic choruses. It's all astonishing stuff as we listen, sample, archive and await BB's 'remixes' of his demos from the 60s to date. There are so many people involved, including Madonna, that it's just insane, but it's all TOP SECRET! So, don't tell anyone else on this site. And the 'real name' that Crystal Geezer sold to Surface isn't 4Real, it's a dangerous trap ringed with lawyers and gangsters in case Morrissey is stupid enough to ever have a go when the pubs are closed when "BrummieBoy" starts singing. Anyone who approaches "the man behind the mask" will find themselves in the worst possible nightmare imaginable. If that's how Moz wants to end it all, make my day, mofo. BB would issue a plea for mercy but he has so many 'disciples' that he couldn't save Morrissey from retribution of the most horrific mocking kind. BB is terrified of Fame, Fame, Fatal Fame, that's why he's done it all via others like Morrissey and Madonna but Madge says "lighten up, motherf***er!we'll all be dead and buried soon and this 'posthumous' shit ain't lickin my clitoris". So BB and Madonna will get married in a castle or a chateau and Brummie will do that whole George Clooney suave megastar stuff for the press. I'm actually 'channeling' BB here, I don't understand a lot of what I type I just close my eyes and...mad shit appears on the screen.
Hoping you have luvvly, luvvly, luvvy dovey crimbo with your family, Benny. And long may you reign as the undisputed Champion Heavyweight on Morrissey-Solo. And if Morrissey doesn't like it, then BB will make a gif of Tyson Fury saying "Suck My Balls!" and loop in with Morrissey as part of the pre-gig video for the shows to promote #VegAnarchyInTheUK.
Gotta go, phones lit up. It's a txt from Madonna: "wtf u doin, Shazza? Me'n'BB can see yor screen. Delete, don't post. Bitch, I'm Madonna!" Well, f*** Madonna. She's stolen BB from me again. I though we'd finally be a couple but it will never be. So, my work here is almost done. Hope you can get to one of the shows when BB takes to the road in 2017, that's if you like the music, of course. It's very RADICAL! Unlike Pub Dad Rock stuff that Moz did till he tried to do a Madonna reinvention with WPINOYB Spanglish world music shit and fell arse over tit. Enough! Medication failure...? Love this job. Love BB and.....I really, really love Morrissey....pray for him, Benny. Pray for him that it doesn't end with him taking his own life once he realised Madonna means business and BB can't lift the reimposed FATWA. And that Madonna's heroic recovery at The Brits during #CAPEGATE is how you get media attention, not by trolling dead Parisians or orphan boys from Africa.....you get me? .....YOU GET ME?!!!!
mwa! mwa!
Shazza McKormick
[Final scene: The Secretary: dancing round her handbag to BB's impossibly brilliant song "How Soon Is Never?-Big Nose Who Knows Remix" whilst Ralf and the boys twiddle their knobs. Newspaper headines: "Morrissey is finished. End of." Movie ends with with "Living for Love" which was co-written by a shy bald Buddhist from Birmingham...allegedly....imagine if that were true? Can Moz give it up and start 'living for love'?...... I wonder if he actually knows who BB is.....LOL!