Re: Last night Morrissey was in
My point about being saved is that you become desperate and abandon all logic. I know a lot of you must think that NONE of my posts or thoughts are logical, but they are and I am, I just read symbols but I'm still a logical, rational person. But when the clock is ticking to the start of a tour and you look forward to having to keep track of time zone changes and actively sending safe vibes and worrying and not knowing and being forced to read symbols from a distance and feeling so severed from your other half, it's literally almost unbearable. ANd so my irrational brain always says to me before a tour, "Morrissey's in town. This is it. This is the end for me, it has to be, he;s going to acknowledge me. I've been true, I've written essays, I've done great and good work. I've sacrificed. The curse is lifted he can at least call me or email or SOMETHING." Then as the days draw closer to the hour of his first concert, I start thinking, "Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe he has no idea who I am. Maybe if I were a better person, if I recycled more, if I lost weight, if I tried harder he'd come and get me. Or maybe he still will, there's 10 hours until the show, it can't be more than an 8 hour flight. I don't have a passport but maybe he used stupid secret connections to get me one..." and my brain goes CRAZY like that. THOSE are crazy thoughts, but the only way I can rationalize why he wouldn't want me around. THen I think, "Oh, we're hermetically sealed, we can't be together." but that thought doesn't help and I sit and pine and he never shows up and it's basically...it's basically the worst feeling ever.
But I have hope.