The Drivel Thread

[Light Housework]

Woke up from another nap with Tell It Like It Is in my head again. My left wrist hurts slightly from having it in an awkward position I guess. It'll be fine in ten minutes I'm sure.

 

[Light Housework]

Making peppermint tea to chill for a while and then hopefully finally enjoy a session of painting. My left wrist is fine now. Tomorrow I will find out what the aftermath will be to me having ripped K’s mask off.

 

[Light Housework]

“Your pupils!”, I remember K saying in front of my psychiatric nurse, as if my pupils look insane. She just doesn’t like someone being able to see her with clear eyes.

 

[Light Housework]

Felt I needed some fresh air. Haven't given away many Morrissey sticky notes. I hope I will paint soon.

 

[Light Housework]

I pass this dessicated rat every time I come home from the park.

 

[Light Housework]

I gave only about four Morrissey sticky notes on my walk. One to a white couple with a young son, who had heard of Morrissey but were glad to receive a reminder to listen to him. I sang I'm Not A Man to them and felt that I might cry after the line "You are a soldier who won't get much older.", and so stopped, but nearly home, I came across an Asian man with a happy little dog, and the man returned a little smile, so I asked him if he'd heard of the singer Morrissey, and he said no in a way that let me know he was curious, so I sang from the line "I'm shaking.", all the way to "You are the slow Joe who signed up to go, oh, oh, ooh ooh. Ooh ooh." and I could tell that both the white couple and the Asian man were rapt as I sang. I'm very glad I could do that for them and that they were receptive to it, and it felt good singing to them, looking them in the eye with love going both ways. Painting soon. I promise.

 

[Light Housework]

I just imagined getting to see N tomorrow, and her telling me I’m brave, and it made me cry a tiny bit.

 

[Light Housework]

There’s someone I trust home inside me now finally. There’s someone home inside me that I’m proud of finally. Getting warmed up to paint. I'm aware of the sore on my chest feeling slightly ominous, but it's not going to stop me from painting this evening. I'm having a session with my counsellor Stephanie Clogg in the early morning. I will share my screen with her as I finish up some important writing.

 

[Light Housework]

I won't be any good to anybody if K has me sent to the psych ward to have medication forced into me to numb my intuition. I'm very sane, just trying to get up the nerve to paint this evening.

 

[Light Housework]

I just saw my counsellor, Stephanie, and am very glad she could fit me in on such short notice, and on Canada day too. I feel validated. I see her again bright and early tomorrow. Thank goodness for Stephanie.

 

[Light Housework]

I’ve got a lot on my mind. Painting would be a break from that. Maybe in two or three hours, I will slap on my favourite Morrissey concert and start a session of painting and completely immerse myself in it. Tell It Like It Is plays in my head, reminding me of that wonderful actress in the play, Medicine, who sang the song so joyfully to John, the institutionalized man, before the other actress brutalizes her for it. I’m going to try to nap for two hours now.

 

[Light Housework]

Stephanie said that I'm going sane. She's right.

 

[Light Housework]

Woke from a nap not long ago. The chest wound concerns me. I will be going to the clinic soon to try to maybe get a biopsy of it examined. Ever since that lab coated man jabbed something terrible into my chest about two months ago, my eyes have had periods of being irritated. They were red when I looked in the bathroom mirror upon waking. They feel like they’re probably still red. I just watched Morrissey sing That’s How People Grow Up, so that’s the music that’s in my head. I wonder what this chest wound is. It’s 13 degrees Celsius outside, but I’m sweating a little. If there’s time, I’ll go to the walk in clinic today to have the chest wound looked at. I seem to be cooling off now. I’m going to write morning pages and sip peppermint tea. I see my counsellor again early this morning, for her guidance in how to deal with not trusting K anymore and showing the people she works with how she has treated me, knowing she’ll probably retaliate. I’m cooled off now. My eyes are feeling better. the chest wound is ominous though. It’s not very painful. It’s just a slight discomfort, but the fact that it has begun to claim more skin is a bad sign for my physical health. The rattling cough that has been coming and going for over a year now, has been mild lately. I’ve been enjoying a reprieve from it most of the time.

 

[Light Housework]

Feeling better after writing morning pages. I’m going to try to get in touch with a kind person I’ve known for a long time this morning, to ask for help. I won’t say more here because this isn’t a private journal. I’m looking forward to Stephanie’s assistance soon. I’m going back to bed for a while. I hope to see N today and paint with her, if there’s time. I’m under a lot of pressure right now, to prove my sanity, and to brace for K’s backlash for outing her for the way she has been treating me. The pressure is making it hard to get into painting on my own. I could with N, if she comes to see me today. Back to bed with me. I’ll set my alarm so I don’t miss my appointment with Stephanie.

 

[Light Housework]

Putting this here to watch when I get back up. “He’s just too good natured and, he’s got too much money and, he’s got too many girlfriends. I’m jealous. That’s all."

 

[Was I ever any good]

One of my faves

 

[Light Housework]

One of my faves

I teared up at the end of the video just now.

 

[Light Housework]

I will be glad when I can relax and resume painting Pink Jacket Morrissey. Hopefully N will be the mental health worker that comes to see me today and we can paint together after a chat.

 

[Light Housework]

If you can’t get your hands on the real Morrissey, paint portraits of him.

 

[Light Housework]

An important email sent, and I’ll be seeing N today, so I have painting with her to look forward to. Yes!