Post Whatever You Are Thinking At This Very Moment

[Light Housework]

An abusive woman period.

 

[Light Housework]

Knockabout World is knocking about in my head.

 

[The Chameleon]

I'm mad but I don't feel like writing about it so I'm going to bed.

 

[Light Housework]

I just got up.

 

[Light Housework]

I should write Morning Pages. That's 3 loose leaf size page faces of stream of consciousness writing.

 

[Light Housework]

 

[Vegan Cro Spirit 555]

I'm mad but I don't feel like writing about it so I'm going to bed.

Fake "Ill give you a punch in the nose before I hand over a miserable quarter"
Cham, it would be news if you werent angry.
whats todays issue? a crackhead ruining your view of the mountains
by standing on top of the BK??

 

[The Chameleon]

View attachment 56291

You must press really hard because the impressions are pretty plain. If your handwriting was legible I could probably blackmail you.

 

[Peppermint]

I think you are projecting too much! im talking about an existential kind of problem, like being overly solipsistic. you cant help that kind of thing. did you ever think about using your experience as something to write about?

my body WASNT telling me to eat though! i felt great, physically. wasnt hungry at all. my mood was telling me to eat. I wanted instant gratification. it wasn't worth it. the first two bites of food when you haven't eaten in a couple of days are amazing. after that it's all blah.

im fasting because im T-O-O F-A-T pep! as I was telling ketamine-sun, ive been eating with abandon, because why the hell not?! but im also fasting because I just want to. I like the way it feels. i wont lie: I like the sense of importance and holiness it gives me while im doing it. I also like the feeling of peace and almost excitement i wake up with when im fasting (until i remind myself that, wait, there's actually nothing to be excited about). I like the high I get, and the way music is so much more exhilirating. i like my mornings with my first cup of coffee. I like how simple everything becomes when i fast. and id REALLY like to be able to have a forty day fast under my belt. I don't see why I haven't managed it. so many other people have, some even on their first try. whats wrong with me that I cant?!?!?!

it's actually not that hard to fast around food. from all my previous experiences I lose desire for food about the 6th day, so ive been able to go out for dinner with people after the 6th day, and sit there drinking coffee while watching them eat without any issues. it's like food suddenly seems to belong to another world and the idea of eating becomes entirely improbable, and like it would take too much work and feel too heavy inside of you. as for smells, I don't have a problem with smelling food when I haven't eaten. in fact, I find smelling delicious food when im hungry and cant eat to be, like, the height of sensory experiences. it makes me feel all relaxed and tingly. just like love, food is better when viewed objectively, without involving any participation or integration. oddly, I did notice that picking up a loaf of bread and having the feel of it in my hands was really tempting.

anyway, I bought so much food, pep! babybel cheese, and spinach and artichoke dip, and crackers, and mandarins, and wine gums, and shortbread! guess I wont be restarting my fast for a few days

Holiness! I like that. I will try and channel holiness when I do mine. I know what you mean about food belonging to another world, I feel that way about all the foods I can't have. I will bake cakes and cook other stuff for people that I cannot eat, but I don't pine for it. It just seems like something 'over there' that I don't partake in. Now, please don't start with your 40-day fasts, you know how it scares me. Wow, that's an interesting shopping list, you sure know how to plan a meal!

 

[Trans]

Bummer Ind closed

Redirect Notice

 

[The Chameleon]

 

[The Chameleon]

When are the pubs opening again? Probably not until December. I'm drinking on my own at the moment. It's not much fun. I don't like drinking at home so I sit on park benches. I sometimes used to have a drink on a park bench before I went to the pub, but it was only ever a preamble. I always knew the main event would be coming later. I miss all my old 'friends' from the pubs. It's a big part of my life. If work became too arduous I always knew there was an escape on a Friday night. Fair enough, most of the people I saw knew I was a twat, but hey, I was their twat, and they were mine. I'd have the girl at Pit And Pendulum showing me the trending Morrissey memes. I'd put the jukebox on and sing Smiths songs volubly while customers pretended I wasn't there. It used to make me chuckle to myself when I'd be singing Morrissey at full blast while stood next to a customer just wanting a quiet drink. Everyone would pretend that it wasn't happening. Or in the end, they just didn't care. I liked getting more and more drunk while people tried to accommodate me. I liked trying people's patience. But they always seemed to know that it was something I had to do. I had to always be misbehaving. It's sad really, but I enjoyed it.

This may be why they are closed.

 

[The Chameleon]

 

[The Chameleon]

They shouldn't have let the cops militarize but they were very supportive about allowing them to kill all the blacks and felt the armored vehicles were necessary. #BlueLivesMatter Now these crackers get the SWAT team called on them for being at a bar.

 

[The Chameleon]

The doctor asked me if I had suicidal thoughts earlier on. I think it's something they have to ask. I had to be honest and say that it was something I'd thought about but only briefly. If everything went wrong all at once and there was no other way out, I might consider it, but my life's not nearly that bad right now. In fact, I know I'd never do that, no matter how hard life got. Not my style. I love life too much, and, more importantly, I love myself too much. Its my ego that will never permit me to go down that route. She asked me what my mood was on a scale of 1 - 10. I said 3. That's how I felt at the time, but I'm one of those people who can be really low one minute, and then back at 10 the next. Anyway, she's put me on Fluoxetine for the time being. I'm not going to take it. It made me miserable the last time I tried it. It made me really lethargic and I was sweating profusely. I am depressed, but when you've considered suicide and tablets and you don't want to do either, it rather suggests you're not serious about being mentally ill. Typical me, I can't even do mental illness properly. Too much effort.

I think that you should tell her that you had bad experience with it before and you're not going to take it. Otherwise, why go? She can't make you take it and if she thinks you're going to then she considers her job done. There might be something else you can take, or there might be other solutions. But to go to the doctor and then ignore their suggestions doesn't seem to make sense.

 

[The Chameleon]

The last time I went to the doctor it was because I had an ear infection and needed a prescription for antibiotics. They made an appointment really early in the morning and at the time I was used to going to bed about that time and sleeping all day. So before I went to the appointment I got one of the large size Monster energy drinks and drank it on the way there. So when they did the tests like blood pressure etc, they said that I had high blood pressure and gave me a prescription for that. I guess I was supposed to take it for the rest of my life or something. I was so stupid I even filled the prescription and got the pills and it cost $40 or something.
They had said the pills might make me cough. I took one pill and when I got up the next day I coughed. So I quit taking them. Of course I had high blood pressure from drinking that Monster quickly right before the test. I know salt causes it too so for a while I didn't eat much salt and I went back to just drinking coffee instead of energy drinks, I don't smoke anymore but it would have been better to spend the $40 on some marijuana and smoke that when I felt high blood pressure.

 

[Light Housework]

The doctor asked me if I had suicidal thoughts earlier on. I think it's something they have to ask. I had to be honest and say that it was something I'd thought about but only briefly. If everything went wrong all at once and there was no other way out, I might consider it, but my life's not nearly that bad right now. In fact, I know I'd never do that, no matter how hard life got. Not my style. I love life too much, and, more importantly, I love myself too much. Its my ego that will never permit me to go down that route. She asked me what my mood was on a scale of 1 - 10. I said 3. That's how I felt at the time, but I'm one of those people who can be really low one minute, and then back at 10 the next. Anyway, she's put me on Fluoxetine for the time being. I'm not going to take it. It made me miserable the last time I tried it. It made me really lethargic and I was sweating profusely. I am depressed, but when you've considered suicide and tablets and you don't want to do either, it rather suggests you're not serious about being mentally ill. Typical me, I can't even do mental illness properly. Too much effort.

I used to take fluoxetine. It eroded the bases of my teeth, and when I stopped taking it, my teeth recalcified.

 

[Light Housework]

I think the word the dentist used was 'remineralized'.

 

[Light Housework]

I took Welbutrin when I stopped taking fluoxetine, though, so maybe the erosion was caused by that. The remineralization happened after I stopped taking any medication for depression.

 

[Vegan Cro Spirit 555]

The last time I went to the doctor it was because I had an ear infection and needed a prescription for antibiotics. They made an appointment really early in the morning and at the time I was used to going to bed about that time and sleeping all day. So before I went to the appointment I got one of the large size Monster energy drinks and drank it on the way there. So when they did the tests like blood pressure etc, they said that I had high blood pressure and gave me a prescription for that. I guess I was supposed to take it for the rest of my life or something. I was so stupid I even filled the prescription and got the pills and it cost $40 or something.
They had said the pills might make me cough. I took one pill and when I got up the next day I coughed. So I quit taking them. Of course I had high blood pressure from drinking that Monster quickly right before the test. I know salt causes it too so for a while I didn't eat much salt and I went back to just drinking coffee instead of energy drinks, I don't smoke anymore but it would have been better to spend the $40 on some marijuana and smoke that when I felt high blood pressure.

OY VEY

Crackers, SWAT teams and Monster energy drinks.
He mad an appointment early in the morning knowing
that he would be going to sleep around the time of the
appointment.?

FC was stupid in buying the pills while knowing that
the Monster energy drink was to blame for the
whole fiasco.......
he could have bought ANOTHER BAG OF WEED.?

Big Kvetch today by FC.