I used to have an interesting boyfriend who’d get upset at the littlest things. He’d just SNAP quite unpredictably and there was nothing you could do about it but let it run it’s course and go along for the ride. Dysfunctional, I know, but I was confused at the time and stuck it out with him. Anyway, a few years ago my sister had to go into the hospital. She lived with our mother at the time and the the both of them have strange eating habits. They only eat prepackaged food that doesn’t require cooking or dishes or anything natural. It’s equally dysfunctional but I can only save the world one soul at a time and food consumption isn’t a priority for me so I always looked the other way at it. This boyfriend however was one of those three square meals a day sort of person where everyone sits down at the table and shares food. So my sister’s in the hospital and we rush to her side to help her and take care of things, a 300+ mile trip. We even brought the dog because we weren’t sure how long she’d be in. So after about the third day it’s apparent that my sister is going to be alright, there’s only a few odds and ends that need to be taken care of, maybe we’ll be there two more days. During the whole trip we’re forced to eat on a budget at fast food places or cold cereal that only requires a spoon and a bowl which we brought. So we’re getting ready to go to bed, it’s about 11pm. He starts to wind up into one of his uncontrollable outrages, being verbally abusive, saying he isn’t being cared for but he’s doing all the caring for my sister, etc, etc. The yelling wakes up my mom who comes sleepy out into the living room. She listens for a few minutes and decides the best solution is to offer a plan for the next day, “My friend has a recipe for pumpkin soup...” She didn’t get to even finish her sentence when he screams “PUMPKIN f***ING SOUP?”, he collects his clothes, his books, the dog and the dog bed, storms out of the house and drives all the way home without me. Those were his final words. Okay, so now that I retell it it sounds more dysfunctional and sad than funny, but I’ll never forget pumpkin f***ing soup and I always laugh when I think back on it. Asshole. I had to take the bus home. When I got there it was like nothing had ever happened though I fretted all the way home. I got off the bus and he said, “Do you want to go to Taco Bell for dinner?” I swear to God. Oh the lives we lead.
