The Moz-Solo Witch Trials

[Theo]

CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!

VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?

CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

BEDEMIR: How do you know she is a witch?

VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.

BEDEMIR: Bring her forward.

WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.

BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one.

WITCH: They dressed me up like this.

CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.

WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.

BEDEMIR: Well?

VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.

BEDEMIR: The nose?

VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!

CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!

BEDEMIR: Did you dress her up like this?

CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.

VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.

BEDEMIR: What makes you think she is a witch?

VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.

BEDEMIR: A newt?

VILLAGER #3: I got better.

VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!

CROWD: Burn! Burn her!

BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.

CROWD: Are there? What are they?

BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with witches?

VILLAGER #2: Burn!

CROWD: Burn, burn them up!

BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from witches?

VILLAGER #1: More witches!

VILLAGER #2: Wood!

BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn?

[pause]

VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?

BEDEMIR: Good!

CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...

BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.

BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?

VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.

BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water?

VILLAGER #1: No, no.

VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!

VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!

CROWD: The pond!

BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?

VILLAGER #1: Bread!

VILLAGER #2: Apples!

VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!

VILLAGER #1: Cider!

VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!

VILLAGER #1: Cherries!

VILLAGER #2: Mud!

VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!

VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!

ARTHUR: A duck.

CROWD: Oooh.

BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically...

VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of
wood.

BEDEMIR: And therefore--?

VILLAGER #1: A witch!

CROWD: A witch!

BEDEMIR: We shall use my largest scales!

[yelling]

BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!

[whop]

[creak]

CROWD: A witch! A witch!

WITCH: It's a fair cop.

CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

[yelling]

BEDEMIR: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

ARTHUR: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

BEDEMIR: My liege!

ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot,
and join us at the Round Table?

BEDEMIR: My liege! I would be honored.

ARTHUR: What is your name?

BEDEMIR: Bedemir, my leige.

ARTHUR: Then I dub you Sir Bedemir, Knight of the Round Table.

 

[ham fisted]

i don't know which is worse....

> CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch!

> VILLAGER #1: We have found a witch, might we burn her?

> CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

> BEDEMIR: How do you know she is a witch?

> VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.

> BEDEMIR: Bring her forward.

> WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.

> BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one.

> WITCH: They dressed me up like this.

> CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.

> WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.

> BEDEMIR: Well?

> VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.

> BEDEMIR: The nose?

> VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!

> CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!

> BEDEMIR: Did you dress her up like this?

> CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.

> VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.

> BEDEMIR: What makes you think she is a witch?

> VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.

> BEDEMIR: A newt?

> VILLAGER #3: I got better.

> VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!

> CROWD: Burn! Burn her!

> BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
> she is a witch.

> CROWD: Are there? What are they?

> BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with witches?

> VILLAGER #2: Burn!

> CROWD: Burn, burn them up!

> BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from witches?

> VILLAGER #1: More witches!

> VILLAGER #2: Wood!

> BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn?

> [pause]

> VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?

> BEDEMIR: Good!

> CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...

> BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

> VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.

> BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?

> VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.

> BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water?

> VILLAGER #1: No, no.

> VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!

> VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!

> CROWD: The pond!

> BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?

> VILLAGER #1: Bread!

> VILLAGER #2: Apples!

> VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!

> VILLAGER #1: Cider!

> VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!

> VILLAGER #1: Cherries!

> VILLAGER #2: Mud!

> VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!

> VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!

> ARTHUR: A duck.

> CROWD: Oooh.

> BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically...

> VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of
> wood.

> BEDEMIR: And therefore--?

> VILLAGER #1: A witch!

> CROWD: A witch!

> BEDEMIR: We shall use my largest scales!

> [yelling]

> BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!

> [whop]

> [creak]

> CROWD: A witch! A witch!

> WITCH: It's a fair cop.

> CROWD: Burn her! Burn!

> [yelling]

> BEDEMIR: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

> ARTHUR: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

> BEDEMIR: My liege!

> ARTHUR: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot,
> and join us at the Round Table?

> BEDEMIR: My liege! I would be honored.

> ARTHUR: What is your name?

> BEDEMIR: Bedemir, my leige.

> ARTHUR: Then I dub you Sir Bedemir, Knight of the Round Table.

...the fact that you typed all that out manually, or if it was cut and pasted, 1. it's not remotely funny and B.you have no original thoughts of your own

 

[Theo]

Re: i don't know which is worse....

> ...the fact that you typed all that out manually, or if it was cut and
> pasted, 1. it's not remotely funny and B.you have no original thoughts of
> your own

You're obviously not a fan of Monty Python. It's the way I see the past two days on this forum.

And I've never found your deranged, years-long trolling remotely funny.

(BTW, the script is all over the net.)

 

[ham fisted]

as i say, no original thought, cut and paste something else, you so clebber

 

[~Bertie]

I think it is funny, but in a very sad way.