The Drivel Thread

Walked by these subtly scented flowers today, with a mental health worker and a neighbour.
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Saw my doctor today. The skin wound seems to be healing well. My lung’s not bothering me. I enjoyed a solitary brisk walk, plus a stroll with my neighbour friend and her dog. Then we went to our favourite restaurant, my treat because she’s always broke. I enjoyed her company, and will email my contact for getting her hooked up with counselling in the morning. I know she could use it. My counsellor, I hope to get funding for more sessions with her, because she’s darned good. I started painting Morrissey In London today. I like it so far.
 
From my stroll with my mental health worker and a neighbour coming home from the cafe today. My mental health worker liked the scent of the flowers, but my neighbor could barely smell them. I enjoyed sniffing some wild roses today too. I'll take a picture of them soon. It hadn't occurred to me to, when I appreciated them this afternoon. The straps of my knapsack are not leather. It's from Ardene, and I don't think they sell anything with leather in it. Pretty good likeness though.
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My jowls pulled down to my ears by gravity, and letting my rage show. I've been remembering a strip club manager who roofied me and bribed my roommate to let him into our hotel room while I was passed out, decades ago. He was replaced shortly afterward, by a kind, responsible man. I still remember his predatory body language as I felt the drug taking effect. I ran through the snow in my pumps, while I still could, locked myself into the motel room, and passed out, only to wake propped up on my knees with him inside me. Little varmint.
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Dreamt I was working in an elaborate strip club, and I offended a customer. I was climbing through the labyrinth of rooms trying to evade the baying mob of fellow strippers who were wanting to see me punished. I was told that my mental health worker wanted a date, by the club manager. I agreed to go on the date with him because I know he’s laid back. Another man took off his shoes and socks to show people his foot size, because it had something to do with debating whether I was discriminating against some customers. His size was borderline where I was being questioned. I was thought to be prejudiced against men with small feet? I don’t know what I supposedly did to offend a man I was expected to flatter and fawn over, and I don’t remember which man it was, but there were several men who were itching to figure me out and test my boundaries, by either volunteering to propose themselves as a date, or by volunteering a fellow man to propose himself as a date to me. Then the manager announced that it was only going to be a platonic date where we’d be doing cultural activities, like looking at museum pieces or painting together, chatting etc., because he understood that that was all I was willing to do with these proposed dates. I didn’t feel like a ‘wanted’ criminal anymore so much. I began to feel like maybe things would be okay. The other strippers began to lay off too. Everybody backed off and gave me some respect.
 
It was fun trying on some makeup in one of the rooms in the labyrinthine strip club. I remember rubbing on some peach coloured blush.
 
antipsychotics
synthroid
antibiotics
antifungals
corticosteroids
what next?

I enjoyed a melancholy walk in the mild spring air, but, the squalor of the mind (and body).
 
Lying down after my walk, there was the buzzing of an insect. It was in my hair. It jumped out eventually, onto my arm, and bit me. I saw it but didn’t recognize it. I tried to carry out onto the balcony when it landed on my pillow, but as I was putting my t-shirt back on, it crawled onto a chair. The balcony door is open and I saw it can fly. Hoping it leaves and this bite won’t turn into something big.
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It wasn’t a bedbug, or tick, spider, wasp, or bee, nor mosquito. I rubbed lavender oil into the tiny wound. I’ve never seen an insect like that before. It was about a centimetre long, and a quarter of an inch wide.
 
"But it would not be a good idea to let one stay on your arm or a patch of skin for too long, because they may eventually mistake you for a tree branch and try to drive their tough proboscis (a thin feeding tube) into your skin—and that would hurt!"

"But why would they settle in my backyard? According to the Entomology Collection at the University of Alberta, Canada, (http://entomology.museums.ualberta.ca/index.html) Okanagana rimosa is an arboreal species that likes to inhabit mixed wood forests, particularly maple trees. Since we have three mature silver maples between 60-80 feet tall, plus other mature trees, our backyard is perfect habitat."

 
Life can freak me out
I try to be calm
But it’s dramatic
And forces me to react
The cicada that stuck me
Was clinging to the cord of the blinds
I dangled the cord onto the balcony
Shook the insect off of it onto the floor
Where it seemed disoriented
I left it there to figure out what to do next
I closed the door
And the windows in case it tries to fly back in here
I had it good for a while
No insects in here at all
But on my walk
I guess I walked too near to some tree
Life so scary
 
Lying down after my walk, there was the buzzing of an insect. It was in my hair. It jumped out eventually, onto my arm, and bit me. I saw it but didn’t recognize it. I tried to carry out onto the balcony when it landed on my pillow, but as I was putting my t-shirt back on, it crawled onto a chair. The balcony door is open and I saw it can fly. Hoping it leaves and this bite won’t turn into something big.
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Are you going to rub thyme oil into it? Or do you reserve that for when dealing with people whom you can frame as sadists?
 
Tags
anxiety bloody awful poetry testing the waters trying to feel good in your own skin trying to make friends wanting to alleviate anxiety wanting to feel safe to be honest wanting to have integrity
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