T
Tommy Sermanni
Guest
Subject: Pre-match Rituals
Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being
motivated by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations
were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.
* The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to
the following displays:-
* The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air
and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented
the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone
can beat them now.
* The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before
smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
* The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half
performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional
route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents
dressing room.
* Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion
following representations from the RSPCA.
* Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be
forcibly removed by the Stewards.
* Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important
than the other 13 whom they will coral between the posts whilst they
claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
* The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years
they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most
important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called
'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
* Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the rest
of the team to ransom.
* The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substituting cars, sexually
harass the female Stewards and then run away.
* The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and
then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They
will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when
their appeal for compensation against the UK Government will be heard.
* The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good
salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the
ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
* The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the
opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the
delight of Wales!) and burn the officials.
* The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative
singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their
mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.
Following complaints made to the IRB about the All Blacks being
motivated by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations
were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own.
* The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to
the following displays:-
* The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air
and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented
the game, and gave it to the world, and how it's not fair that everyone
can beat them now.
* The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before
smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents heads.
* The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half
performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional
route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents
dressing room.
* Unfortunately the Committee were unable to accept the Welsh suggestion
following representations from the RSPCA.
* Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition
territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be
forcibly removed by the Stewards.
* Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important
than the other 13 whom they will coral between the posts whilst they
claim the rest of the pitch for themselves.
* The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years
they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most
important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a film called
'Saving No.8 Lyle'.
* Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the rest
of the team to ransom.
* The Italian team will arrive in red penis-substituting cars, sexually
harass the female Stewards and then run away.
* The Spanish will sneak into the other half of the pitch, mow it and
then claim that it was all in line with European "grass quotas". They
will then curl up under the posts and have a kip until half time, when
their appeal for compensation against the UK Government will be heard.
* The Japanese will attempt to strengthen their team by offering good
salaries to the key opposition players (over 35) and then run around the
pitch at high speed in a highly efficient manner before buying the
ground (with a subsidy from the UK Government).
* The French will declare they have new scientific evidence that the
opposition are in fact all mad. They will then park lorries across the
half-way line, let sheep loose in the opposition half (much to the
delight of Wales!) and burn the officials.
* The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative
singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their
mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush.
