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Where Does All of The Time Go?
I celebrated a milestone birthday this year and it has me asking the question that`s the title of this blog. I remember being a kid not so long ago and being young but never carefree. I worried about many things even as a child. I didn`t know that was called anxiety. It wasn`t really discussed... -
Oh Mother
My family is going through a very difficult time right now. My Mothers illness is progressing and from what we have learned it`s only going to get worse. I have such a hard time writing that because I don`t want to admit it and I don`t want to accept it. It makes it real, and I don`t want to... -
Through Tears
This year I`ve barely left the house unless it`s for a doctor`s appointment or sometimes to do a bit of shopping. It`s really hard for me to leave the house sometimes. I really haven`t had much to look forward to this year. I`m merely existing at the moment. I`ve also dealt with some physical... -
Razor Blades, Broken Glass and Lighters and The Damage Done
The bright red stripes on my arm are slowly fading. The scars are still clearly visible. I still have the marks all around my wrist that I burned into my skin with a cigarette lighter to form sort of a permanent bracelet. It was just something I did for different reasons. One of the reasons was... -
Where The Light Won`t Find You
It's been a while since I last wrote in my blog. I haven`t gone anywhere or done much of anything. I guess you could say that I`m simply existing. There`s a lot going on with my family. My Mom`s illness is taking a toll on her. She has fallen a couple of times. Thank God she didn`t get... -
Suffering
I`ve been thinking a lot about life and what`s the meaning of suffering and why we have to suffer. I don`t understand why we should have to suffer in this life when we are decent people. My Mother is more than a decent person. She is a kind, good, beautiful person. She has helped so many people... -
I`m Not Happy And I`m Not Sad
I couldn`t sleep last night because I had a terrible headache, I think it was a migraine. I`ve been getting headaches all this week. I think they are all caused by all the tension in this house. My Mom is ill, and she had a bad week where she didn`t feel well at all. Now my Mom cannot help being... -
The Scars Still Linger
I recently celebrated my birthday and got to thinking about time and the things I`ve been through. My twenties were not good in fact I think they were a nightmare because that`s when I started getting ill. It first manifested itself by torturing me with bad, untreated OCD. I suffered in silence... -
The Saddest Things
This has been a difficult time for my family and me, this year has been especially difficult because I`ve been ill for most of this year. When I got my anemia diagnoses it explained why I had been feeling so tired and ill. I suspect people thought I was just being lazy but I really couldn`t get... -
The Saddest Things.
This has been a really difficult time for my family and me. This year has been especially hard. I`ve been ill most of this year and when I got my anemia diagnoses it explained why I was so tired and run down. I suspect some just thought I was being lazy but I really couldn`t pick myself up and...- Tibby
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Still Ill
I found out a little while ago that I am anemic. My new psychiatrist told me when last I saw him. That totally explained the exhaustion I have been feeling. Since then, I have had more lab work done. I have an illness that effects my stomach. My regular doctor still wants more tests done because... -
Sick Down to My Heart
I haven`t been well physically and mentally. I`ve just not been feeling well at all. I am exhausted all the time and have trouble sleeping. My depression is really wearing me down and I have no motivation. I am just a useless thing taking up space. All I want is to feel better. When you`re sick... -
After All This Time
I`m feeling pretty blue at the moment. Blue and empty inside. I feel the time passing by and I`m still here. It`s been better and it`s been much worse but it never goes away. Ever since I became ill I feel like I've never had a moment of peace. My mind is always going on a loop thinking of the... -
There Must Be Something.......
What`s wrong with you ? Why don`t you smile more ? I can`t answer those questions : out loud to anyone anyway. I can admit it to myself though. What`s wrong with me ? For one thing I am terribly unhappy. For another I've been feeling horribly lonely lately. I do have my family and believe me I`m... -
Tired and Useless
I`m listening to Morrissey`s song "Lost" right now. Which is exactly how I feel right now. I`m in an awful depression right now. I`m tired all the time and can`t find the motivation to get a whole lot done right now . I mean I try but I think some people might just think I`m being lazy. I hate... -
I`m So Sick And Tired
I've been having sleepless nights. Nights are the worst for me. My mind races and goes through every worse case scenario. I hate when it starts to get dark now. It used to be quite the opposite. I used to wait for the night to come. I used to get a lot of things done. I also used to wait for... -
Maybe This Year
I've been like this for years now. Ill that is. When I was first treated for mental illness I was treated for depression and anxiety. Now my diagnosis is bipolar 2 with panic disorder. I feel my depression more than hypomania. I've read a lot of people with bipolar 2 are also that way. I've... -
Still I Cling
I don`t remember the exact time I discovered this thing. This thing that made me feel better. This thing that brought me this strange form of relief. Even I know it`s a strange thing to do to yourself. It`s also weird that doing that to yourself takes you (temporarily) away from what`s going on... -
Disorder
I 've had trouble sleeping for a long time now. I have probably written before that I can`t sleep without the help of meds. I have racing thoughts and they seem to get worse at night. During the day there are distractions. Like errands I have to run and household things that need to get done... -
The Scars Still Linger
It`s been a few years now since I last self injured. I still wear the marks it left. The scars are still there reminding me of what I did to myself. All the time I dragged the razor or scissors or a jagged piece of broken glass across my arm or the times I used cigarette lighters to burn myself...
