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Book Notes - Kathleen Rooney ("Live Nude Girl") - Largehearted Boy

In her own words, here is Kathleen Rooney's Book Notes essay for her book, Live Nude Girl: My Life as an Object:

"Let Me Kiss You," Morrissey, 2004

A lot of the artists I posed for had fantastic playlists, but one of the best iPods ever belonged to a sculpture professor at Boston University. When I was posing for him for a larger-than-life sculpture of "Lot's Wife," I heard this song for the first time and it made me happy-sad in the way that most Smiths/Morrissey endeavors do:

Close your eyes and think of someone you physically admire
 And let me kiss you, let me kiss you


But then you open your eyes and you see someone that you physically despise

But my heart is open, my heart is open to you.

Self-invention, self-absorption, self-abnegation, self-offering. Gender issues, body issues, identity and discovery. Longing for connection and fear that said connection may never occur. The eternal struggle between the real and the ideal. This song had it all, but was also kind of hilarious. One of the things I love about art modeling is the way it provides a space in which all body types, sizes, races and ages are truly welcome. But personally, I struggle (as most people probably do?) with how I feel about my appearance: about trying hard to be what somebody else wants over and over. Are you admired? Are you despised? How much control do you have over that anyway?