posted by davidt on Friday January 19 2007, @02:00PM
mattorefice sends the link:

2006 Reader's Choice Awards - Your Band Sucks - Something Awful

Most Unwelcome Testicular Imagery
Morrissey - Dear God Please Help Me

After a 20 year career in which Morrissey thankfully remained asexual and aloof he finally decides to let his audience know exactly how horny he is with the unforgettable line;

'There are explosive kegs, between my legs.'

The mental image of a middle-aged Morrissey wandering the streets of Rome with a bulging scrotum is not one I had hoped to encounter. While I can't really begrudge the man his sexual awakening, I wish he had not let us know about it with this extremely disturbing metaphor.

-David C James
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  • its funny and you know it

    cue angry psycho moz fans...

    "how dare he make fun of my mozzers balls!"

    Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @02:29PM (#246642)
  • David James (is that the name?), everthing is about HOW you sing it and not WHAT you sing...

    And everthing in true art surrenders itself to the touching powers of imagination: I can still cry over the sight of Moz's explosive kegs, even though I totally lack them myself...but it is not his kegs I am seeing, it is the feeling of deprivation, brought down to the most psychossomatic form, the erotic, sensitive one, that reaches me here...

    Probably it reached this guy's where he really didn't want! ;)
    Mrs. Woolf -- Friday January 19 2007, @03:09PM (#246650)
    (User #14157 Info)
  • I find that line cringe worthy as well. Sorry.
    realitybites -- Friday January 19 2007, @03:46PM (#246653)
    (User #13041 Info | http://www.myspace.com/jehne)
    • Re:Honestly... by Anonymous (Score:0) Sunday January 21 2007, @04:57PM
  • at least he HAS balls.
    fatso -- Friday January 19 2007, @03:51PM (#246654)
    (User #17577 Info)
  • The thought of over-ripe balls usually has Swallowneck frothing at the mouth, but he would much rather think of Morrissey in the "sans packet" sense... Get over it, guys!
    MarkFromScatter -- Friday January 19 2007, @04:25PM (#246657)
    (User #16900 Info)
    If you don't like me, don't look at me...
  • I like the lyric because it brings some pretty graphic natural landscape into the picture, something we would admire if we weren't so neurotic a people, catching a glimpse of it in passing, maybe stopping to have a better look, like one would at some wild flowers.
    redpathetic -- Friday January 19 2007, @04:42PM (#246660)
    (User #6184 Info)
    Happy in this final acceptance of his own absurdity...Albert Camus
  • For not crediting me with the story i found and submitted to the forum, thanks a lot.
    Godlovesugly -- Friday January 19 2007, @05:04PM (#246667)
    (User #15744 Info)
  • "how horny he is".

    I'm not sure this fellow could possibly know about metaphor.
    Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @05:06PM (#246668)
  • Doesn't Morrissey know this?

    How dare he write something that disturbs or unsettles us. He should study Coldplay and learn to write lyrics that are inoffensive.
    Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @05:21PM (#246679)
  • "Explosive Kegs Between His Legs" is simply a metaphor for his unrequited love/lust.
    Although, I am only 4 years younger than Morrissey and am in my sexual peak for sure (a little Catholic twisting did help with my stunted sexuality). Woman, man, what difference does it make? Sex gets better and more intense with age. Deal with it.
    And...further more, I don't believe he has been asexual for years. A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Morrissey is a gentleman if nothing else, no?
    zellah -- Friday January 19 2007, @06:07PM (#246683)
    (User #11911 Info)
  • Morrissey's nuts?
    dizzy flipper -- Friday January 19 2007, @06:56PM (#246686)
    (User #18036 Info)
    "Yes. I refuse to alight."
  • I always thought this song could be the metaphor for birth or rebirth. The explosive kegs don't mean necessarily testicles! And the spreading of legs with [mine] in between might mean a newborn passing through his mother legs during childbirth...
    Mrs. Woolf -- Friday January 19 2007, @08:38PM (#246690)
    (User #14157 Info)
  • We're tlaking about Somethign Awful here - they dont really take anything seriously! The music awards that this was a part of is a big joke, and everyone submitting just plays on the srtists stereotype and commerical image. I wouldnt be suprised if the writer was actually a big Moz fan.
    Don't take this too seriously people! Cheer up!
    Anonymous -- Friday January 19 2007, @10:15PM (#246693)
  • I think the line was great, as it would have to be, since the song is great and the man who wrote it is the best lyricist there is.
    Very plaintive, very unexpected, very sexual without a hint of vulgarity or crassness, if that's a word. Anyway, it is now. It's a bloody GREAT line.
    So sod off, no one cares what you think of Morrissey or his lyrics. If you even got close enough to the album to HEAR that line, then you should have been stopped at the gate for trespassing.
    Carry on, Mozzer. I love you.
    MozFiend76 -- Saturday January 20 2007, @02:18AM (#246698)
    (User #17742 Info)
  • His reference to 'explosive kegs' sounds to me like he may be feeling sexually frustrated - i.e. ready to explode. Not necessarily that they are 'exploding'. His celibacy can't be easy - GIVE HIM A BREAK!

    Mozzer for PM!
    Bev* -- Saturday January 20 2007, @03:03AM (#246699)
    (User #18150 Info)
  • without doubt the most embarassing thing Moz has ever written.
    if the 27 year old Moz was told that he would one day write such a cringe inducing lyric he would have retired there and then.
    Sadly, Moz surrounds himself with too many 'yes men'.
    Anonymous -- Saturday January 20 2007, @06:34AM (#246717)
  • It's not my favorite song, but it is the only one that really, truly has all the hallmarks of Morrissey at his very best: lyrical depth, ambiguity, humor, truth, novelty, and an impious, threatening edge.

    I can just see him, contemplating this rather beautiful melody, and thinking about how he could shake it up a bit. If he had penned a more moderate line about yearning, we would have a far less interesting song on our hands. As it is, I think he rather consciously threw a lyrical spanner in the works. He upset a few people, caused many tongues to wag, and gave his audience a mental image that many find a bit too visceral, but I'm sure gives him a giggle.

    If only I could hear it live...
    Anaesthesine -- Saturday January 20 2007, @10:27PM (#246755)
    (User #14203 Info)
    If Moz did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
  • If that line had appeared on Kill Uncle, everyone would've used it as an example of a bad lyric.
    It's not the line, it's the way it appears in the song. It almost sounds like they tacked it onto the end of a verse. But explosive kegs line or not, it's the general lack of anything happening musically in that song that makes it stand out as not very good. And Tony Visconti should hang his head in shame for butchering Morricone's strings the way he did. That song had potential and they just pissed it away.

    Anyhoo, Most Unwelcome Testicular Imagery. That's pretty funny, what were the other nominees I wonder...
    AnthonyGlamour -- Sunday January 21 2007, @05:54AM (#246767)
    (User #7618 Info | http://www.myspace.com/anthonycutt)
  • that line is cringeworthy as someone else has already said
    Frankly Vulgar -- Sunday January 21 2007, @06:19AM (#246768)
    (User #1967 Info)
    "You can tell, by the way, i sleep all day"
  • http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/MORRISSEY-RINGLEADER-OF-THE- TORMENTORS-Medium-T-shirt_W0QQitemZ180076393078QQi hZ008QQcategoryZ72439QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
    jdbabz -- Sunday January 21 2007, @07:37AM (#246773)
    (User #10674 Info)
  • "Most unwelcome testicular imagery"! ... I just spat my cuppa at the computer screen.

    As for all those people who think Moz has somehow betrayed his Smiths self with vulgar imagery, have you not listened to Handsome Devil? "Let me get my hands on your mammary glands". He's also been verbally dropping his trousers since 1984.

    Inside every bookish intellectual is the repressed naughty schoolboy waiting to shock.

    An old (very moral) friend recently suggested to me that he saw the line as reflecting his own repressed desire. i.e. he could sleep with every looker in the street that gets him excited, but he chooses not to, hence he's a bit full sometimes (for want of a better expression).
    I, on the other hand, think Moz is really, really enjoying himself in Rome, releasing his pent up frustration all over the holy city (if that's not too graphic an image). God love our Morrissey and his potty mouth; it raises a giggle in an otherwise heartbreaking song, and what other artist can do that for you?
    Mozzersgirl -- Sunday January 21 2007, @01:03PM (#246789)
    (User #14229 Info)
    "There's more evil in the charts than in an al-Qaeda suggestion box" - Bill Bailey
  • That line has, unfortunately, left the song open for Cliff Richard to cover. The Peter Pan of Pop has not emptied his pods for years - so he says anyway.... since Sue Barker perhaps
    Shakingobscene -- Monday January 22 2007, @05:40AM (#246811)
    (User #16324 Info)
    "I hope it's not too bloody - I'm wearing my favourite pants."
    • Re:Cover time by Anonymous (Score:0) Monday January 22 2007, @06:40AM
  • So you find it disturbing,says more about you than Moz..At least hes got the Balls to look at his sexuality..Think americas sexually repressed when a womans breast J Jacksons breast,caused more waffle than going on a murderous war of occupation ib Iraq..How much of Victorian sexual attitudes exist i wonder.I know times change but song sheets pretty familiar
    Anonymous -- Monday January 22 2007, @09:14PM (#246853)
  • Just popping in to say I'm a huge Morrissey fan, and it tickles me pink to see my name on the front page of Morrissey-solo.com
    Anonymous -- Tuesday January 23 2007, @11:32AM (#246899)
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  • . . . what my father said when he heard it. Or, rather, that's what I'm sure my father was thinking. What he did in actuality was grimace, splutter and spray the table with sandwich.
    Poppycocteau -- Tuesday January 23 2007, @11:54AM (#246900)
    (User #9489 Info)
    We are ugly but we have the music
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